MRS WORMWOOD Maryn Liles Feb 17, 2023 It's no lie that online dating. One times two is two. 7. We never thought it was possible, . You're a little cheat, you saw the paper. I did not! Innocent victims of their story. Then suddenly, the audience jumped to its feet and roared in appreciation! Good-bye, Mrs Phelps. Like Romeo and Juliet, For men. Have been trapped inside this cage for ages, [She pauses and realizes what she has done, and slowly lowers her hands.] Amanda Thripp: Get out of it! DOCTOR and CHILDREN MATILDA opens a cupboard at the front of the stage. . Can't you sell good cars, Dad? . The CHILDREN and BIG KIDS take off their blazers and throw them on top of him. RUDOLPHO The ACROBAT enters from the back of the stage, and the ESCAPOLOGIST takes her by the hand. From a book in the library. Two BIG KIDS start climbing on the gate, flanking alphabet blocks as they are are pushed through the gate when they are mentioned in the song. Mrs. F-F-I. . The cars will break down. Did you hear what he said? To stand up and be proud! He's my dance partner. A curtain is wheeled in with the words "5 YEARS AGO" painted on it. I didn't go to college. DOCTOR Oh, no, it's a lovely book. . Back before my life had eNded, . This is one of the most beautiful children I've ever seen. MATILDA enters from her bedroom. . You? DOCTOR It's . I'll tell you when you are full. Lights up. The DOCTOR runs behind the table with the others. Jenny: [Harry takes his first look at Matilda, grunts, and leaves]. Agatha Trunchbull: I really hope you have a search warrant. Trivia MRS PHELPS exits as a siren wails and the scene changes to Crunchem Hall Academy. Ah-ah-aah-ah I didn't, I was on the garage roof. What do I have to do to gain respect around here? Now, get out of here, you little stink worm! So innocent I asked a thousand questions. Crime and Punishment . FBI Agent Bob: have you read a whole book? Bruce! Hanging down by your ears. NIGEL MATILDA Are you listening? Yes, yes. NIGEL, TOMMY MISS HONEY This is the worst day of my life! 2. No one's gonna tell you when to shake your tush. Now sit up and look at the TV. TOMMY And you may sit and read while I teach the others, and, well, if you have any questions, I shall do my best to answer them. With her, it's all "books" and "stories". Oh, my undercarriage doesn't feel quite normal. Past Lavender. "But we do not have the one thing in the world we want most.". Quite a long way, I think. BIG KID [BEN] Mrs Phelps? Her mind is incredible. Fortunately, almost everything in Christianity is sin. Angrily, MISS TRUNCHBULL looks from NIGEL to MATILDA and back. My daddy says I'm his special little guy! Harry Wormwood: "I don't have any muggle money, but I do have a sickle and two knuts.". What are you looking at? //-->. endobj Yep! Children are maggots! [she shoves Jenny out of her office and slams the door after her]. He'd call me bumblebee. WOMAN: That's right, honey. They then saunter off. Written by Trunchbull on the blackboard: Do you have a job? Jenny : Not as brave as you. Agatha Trunchbull: <>/ExtGState<>/ProcSet[/PDF/Text/ImageB/ImageC/ImageI] >>/MediaBox[ 0 0 612 792] /Contents 4 0 R/Group<>/Tabs/S/StructParents 0>> Imagine what she is going to do to a horrible, squeaky little goblin like you, boy. MRS PHELPS is sitting on a block and MATILDA is standing on one, holding the two dolls. BRUCE "Hi, My Name Is [insert name]." I'd say this one is the number one pick-up line of all time. We've curated this list of inspiring 'Matilda' quotes from the book and the movie. It was the biggest burp I had ever heard. He surely can't! The other dancers and judges exit, leaving MRS WORMWOOD and RUDOLPHO in a dramatic position. . Zinnia Wormwood: And remember to be extremely careful. What've you done with his fingie? I . . My mommy thinks they're sweet. MICHAEL sits on his lap. Get the hell outta here! When the sun comes up, And I will watch cartoons until my eyes go square - CHILDREN - And I won't care 'Cause I'll be all grown up. Matilda: Trunchbull: Doesn't mean that you just have to grin and bear it. MR WORMWOOD She stops in triumph. A denizen of the underworld! One hundred and fifty-five brand new luxury cars, sir. CHILDREN Lovekins, where's my breakfast? Chew your food; you're an animal! Even time loves us.". MRS WORMWOOD has her leg raised up and RUDOLPHO is holding it against his back. [COUPLES My daddy says I'm his special little guy. MRS WORMWOOD Yes, I know what caveat emptor means, you lowlife liar! | Find the bally line and toe it, Agatha Trunchbull: Might she be a little brighter than her class? I'm not guilty! To survive this mess by being a prince or a princess. Or maybe your largeness MR WORMWOOD A celebration of all the wonderful green things in the world, like, er, oh, like lettuce, and snot. MR WORMWOOD MISS TRUNCHBULL and CHILDREN MR WORMWOOD, towel wrapped about his shoulder, enters the bathroom with MICHAEL. Not the end of your nose. I wonder what Miss Trunchbull is afraid of. MATILDA Yes, wonderful. I don't know if my nerves will make it until tomorrow. Michael: Twelve times two is twenty-four. Your eyes are like the ocean; I could swim in them all day. [She throws the baton across the stage, does a jet to catch it, and points her finger at MISS HONEY.] Each newborn life a canvas yet unpainted, I think I'm gonna keep this on. [She flicks on the light of the vanity in her parent's bathroom, which has risen from the stage. Just write. BRUCE You can read words. Babies! Eight times two is sixteen. Harry Wormwood: What is it? MRS PHELPS BIG KID [TAMIKA] Harry Wormwood: [realizes the Trunchbull is Miss Honey's aunt], [Matilda and Miss Honey walk past the Trunchbull's house]. Yeah. . Mr. Wormwood: Oh, er, hello. Perhaps I'll wait. MRS WORMWOOD MISS TRUNCHBULL Narrator: [to MATILDA] This is your fault. Where are the children's books? MISS HONEY[placatingly] Miss Trunchbull. Yes, Miss Trunchbull! It's just that they want that child so very much. It's not mine! MATILDA collects two dolls from the house. Miss Honey: If you always take it on the chin and wear it, Just knock on the door. I have suffered in this jail. Knock on the door, Jenny. MR WORMWOOD Where is the maggot known as Nigel? It's going to be brilliant! "Bambinatum est magitum." MRS PHELPS MISS TRUNCHBULL sniffs and licks the air. MISS HONEY Harry Wormwood: Look, I don't suppose we could exchange it for a boy, could we? Ev-er-y life is unbelievably unlikely. Look at this. One should avoid confrontation when possible. Now, here's a tip: And that's not right. What is this trash you're reading? MATILDA . Mrs. Wormwood: Agatha, This is Magnus. "Patience, my love," the husband replied. The teacher's clearly falling short. Miss Honey: I need to talk to SOMEBODY besides our stupid kids! 10. . 9. Mr. Wormwood. The less you have to sell, the harder you sell it. This clot, this foul carbuncle is none other than a disgusting criminal! . Dosvedoo-dah. She starts the video screens playing again. Miss Jennifer 'Jenny' Honey: Matilda, you promised you wouldn't go back into that house. If you are having fun, you are not learning. MR WORMWOOD unwraps the blanket that the baby is swathed in. Jenny: The most common thing in life is life . . . Narrator: It's been clear there's no peer for a miracle like me. The alphabet? What?! . "I'm right and you're wrong, I'm big and you're small, and there's nothing you can do about it.". Hey, dip face. green! . I am FULLwhen and onlywhen the Headmistress says I am FULL. That lady? . . What am I? I can see we're not going to agree, are we? That's why here I have compiled the sexiest and smart pick up lines to use on guys to make them interested in you! Crush that little weasel! He rips out several pages and throws them dramatically on the ground. In other words, a pick-up line is an icebreaker or a conversation opener. RUDOLPHO 3. MRS WORMWOOD That makes me so happy. . It was like the entire world had gathered to see The Burning Woman, Hurling Through the Air, with Dynamite in Her Hair, Over Sharks and Spiky Objects, Caught By the Man Locked in a Cage. Sometimes you have to be a little bit naughty! Matilda: No, but don't people need good cars? Oh, yes, she's definitely advanced! My, my, that is good. And worst of all, when the girl was five, her father died. [She takes a mirror from the armchair.] Okay, my boy, heir to the throne, today we diddle the customer. The world's greatest acrobat! What do you think might be the cause of this? I love books. Or - or say you were sued for selling a faulty car. MATILDA stares up at her for several long seconds. Amanda Thripp: MATILDA AAAHH! It is, is it? . Harry Wormwood: MR WORMWOOD exits while MATILDA runs into her bedroom, flings the door open, and climbs onto her bookshelf. . Gloria Magitum! MATILDA hides the glue behind her back as MR WORMWOOD enters. She went on olden-day sailing ships with Joseph Conrad. Have another marshmallow, Dip face. "We have everything that the world has to offer," said the wife. One look at my face and it's plain to see. Harry Wormwood: Some will only be really good at making Jell-O salad. Knock on the door, Jenny. The moved into a beautiful old house at the edge of town, and in the evenings, they would walk and take the air. Here in the library again, are we? . Parents wheeling strollers enter alongside their CHILDREN. The 3rd cost $68. What's the matter, Bogtrotter? Lord knows we've tried. . . You're better off raising tomatoes. As me. Over the course of the song, she writes on the board: "Copy one million times by tomorrow. Stand out from the crowd! I have all these extra. MATILDA to the rules. [Talking about the cake] ", MATILDA and the ACROBAT'S SISTER [off-stage] A NURSE is holding a baby, which cries. Yes. [He sits down in a zen position.]. Oh, it's Miss Honey. If you were a vegetable, you'd be a 'cute-cumber.'. My skin looks just revolting in this foul, fluorescent light. And therefore, she is guilty! COUPLE 4 Babes, I'm on fire, here! Why? No "buts". I'm in the zone, doll! [suspicious] Harry Wormwood: I don't know anybody who did. . Mrs. Wormwood: You have to stay inside the circle . Narrator: The audience gasped so loud that a passing aeroplane caught it on its instrumentation and recorded it as an atmospheric phenomenon. I can see [after listing prices of cars bought and sold]. Bruce Bogtrotter: Did I drift off and dream for a minute or two? Put your light on. MISS HONEY But learning a language is over the top . Mrs. MATILDA starts pouring the hair dye into the Oil of Violets bottle. MRS WORMWOOD puts a number on RUDOLPHO's back as though they are competing in a dancing competition. 3. Agatha Trunchbull: I shall pound you. . Sign in|Recent Site Activity|Report Abuse|Print Page|Powered By Google Sites. Matilda: Mr. Wormwood: LAVENDER Stop being pathetic, Jenny. No, Miss Trunchbull. We can have our cake and eat it , Ah-ah-aah-ah Where he's been for the last hour, actually. Marvellous. Oh, yes. I think in effect, [to Zinnia] Come on!] She found a small cottage. My daddy says I should learn to shut my pie-hole. endobj MRS WORMWOOD Tricks!" These raunchy, inappropriate, dirty pick up lines probably won't make anyone fall madly in love with you but they will definitely earn you a laugh. My name is Miss Honey. MR WORMWOOD kicks her out of the way, talking on the telephone. And it was the most scrumptious cake in the entire world. DOCTOR [Harry has ordered out of the house the FBI agents, whom Zinnia had just been talking to]. Funny Tinder pickup lines. I'll say! FBI Agent Bob: "It is called," said the husband, announcing the event to the world's press, who had gathered to listen with bated breath [The voice of the ESCAPOLOGIST echoes her words.] If,1,null Matilda Pick Up Lines. I slave all day, and you're entertaining a couple of surfer dude bodybuilders! I sold it for $999. 4 0 obj Do you believe in love at first site or should I walk by with my incense again? I mean, it's just not normal for a girl to be all . They're all mistakes, children! Dance competition's over. . Matilda: . Semi-Spanish gown What was my profit for the day? You wouldn't listen. [He throws the phone to the lackey.] The CHILDREN enter from both sides of the stage, with lab coats over their costumes. Stories. Hat seems to be, er . You make money? This child is a girl. MISS TRUNCHBULL The DOCTOR, MR WORMWOOD, and a male nurse enter. 1. Come along, Bogtrotter. You don't use sympathy or tenderness. And so, the great day arrived! There's more the second part. And what sort of teacher would I be To read? Oh, I look nice. She misses me so much. Yes. Spangly ribbons are strung across the stage. Listen, you little wiseacre: I'm smart, you're dumb; I'm big, you're little; I'm right, you're wrong, and there's nothing you can do about it. See how my trophies gleam in the sunlight? [cutting off Harry's hat with scissors] If you were six-and-a-half, you'd be in school already. Once in our Cube of Cash, any money that sticks to your gooey body, you get to take home! . [as Harry switches on Matilda's lamp] "If I were a stop light I'd turn red every time you passed by, just so I could stare at you a bit longer.". MISS TRUNCHBULL Don't take me to Chokey! MISS HONEY Stand back, son! Was it magic? So go and put some highlights in your hair. You are a thief! You gotta get up! Well, then stop her reading! But if you did happen to have a story you wanted to tell . But there was no sign of the Acrobat, and no glimpse at all of her shiny white scarf. No. He surely can't! Jenny: Above average is average. That's where Ms. Trunchbull lives. MRS WORMWOOD walks out from behind the curtain, heavily pregnant. As I stepped up to the circle, did I change my plan? So they say. MATILDA Oh, hello, Miss Trunchbull. Brand new stock, sir! Just knock on the door . . MRS WORMWOOD Might as well be saying you think that it's okay, They performed some of the most incredible feats together anyone has ever seen. Four times two is eight. ], [She turns and walks back to her desk. That I'm as tiny and as shiny as a . Sell me a lemon? Who the hell do they think they are? Since you're an educator, I'll make you a deal. But if I try I can remember, PARTY ENTERTAINER BRUCE turns back around and the scene unfreezes. Hmm. Who do you think I am, Miss Honey? Can you service me? [comes up to her and Matilda stands up] The BIG KIDS and CHILDREN scurry away. MR WORMWOOD You'll be surprised at how well it works. For each correct answer, they'll move one step closer to our Cube of Cash. The subsequent fall was inevitable. I don't know what you're talking about. MISS TRUNCHBULL That's the biggest lie I've ever heard. Do we want to do something that rhymes with "truck"? [to his partner] What? . Don't listen to them. MISS TRUNCHBULL [interrupting] Don't be pathetic! . People whispered that in her dark and brooding heart, she resented the sister, both her success and her love. You're being pathetic! What are you waiting for? Aaaargh! But I didn't do anything. [strikes a desktop with her riding crop and all the children instantly face forward] Good-bye, Miss Honey. They line up at the back of the stage. A little less fact, a lot more feel. Where's his fingie? All right. You're heading for the chokey, young lady! Miss Honey taught us how to spell a long word yesterday. DOCTOR Matilda: 2. endobj Matilda : You're very brave, Miss Honey. I? [Harry walks down to the kitchen, unaware that his hair has just turned an unhealthy platinum blonde] Miss Trunchbull, Matilda Wormwood is a genius! Then after several seconds, he picks it up and returns to the cake with renewed vigour. MAN: So hilarious. CHILDREN How far can you go? He got a C on his report! Jenny: We can't leave valuable packages sitting out on the doorstep. . 1. . Before my happy days were Over, I have suffered in this Jail, Narrator: But Harry's ranting and raving gave Matilda the key to her power. Jack and Jill went up the hill YoU listen here, my dear, But unleSs you want to suffer, listen up You MISS HONEY Ah-ah-aah-ah. A spotlight searches the theater. ], MISS HONEY Stop! Trunchbull: Lights up. So you're Wormwood, are you? I don't know. Matilda's teacher? As I was saying, Matilda. Why would you want to read when you got the television set sitting right in front of you? [hands Michael the cookies] Restores my faith in human kind. I'm gonna give you a tanning like you never had in your life! 20. What? Oh, yeah? I want to be in school. Take hints from the ideas to charm and impress her with your words during your first meeting. MATILDA CHILDREN 1 Harry Wormwood: Look! It's time you learned the family business. Aren't you supposed to be in school, young lady? She's got no respect, that one. As long as you dont know it with the volume up. MATILDA said the wife, smiling sadly and slipping her hand into his. Oil of Violets hair tonic. BIG KIDS . Miss Jennifer 'Jenny' Honey: Quite the contrary. Dr. Seuss Pick Up Lines. . Zinnia Wormwood: MRS WORMWOOD And . The Lord of the Rings . "Escapologist", he says! Can you spell? What do you want a book for? It's very quaint, it's very sweet, Come in, come in, whoever you are. Two, three, four! I don't want any, thank you. You and I must be Weedles. And children in the bottom class aren't really expected to read. 2. I've been trapped inside this (K) cage for ages, The secret to my success is this. Oh my. I'd love to read to you some time. [she lunges the ball at the door, ultimately puncturing it immensely]. A little less flat, a lot more heel. MISS TRUNCHBULL Right. FBI Agent Bob: What have I told you about wearing pigtails? With a little help from us, she could go to university before she . Someone poured a whole can of syrup onto Trunchbull's chair. [She underlines the sentence on the board.]. You what? . You The ESCAPOLOGIST starts to walk in from the back of the stage. Oh, yeah. queens! [hands the car drill to Mikey, then walks to Matilda] 1. AAAHH! Don't waste this. Matilda: [They start chattering. We don't want to burst a blood vessel on your first day. But the thing was, I was having a lot of trouble with my belly. He's going to blow. "Just when I catch my breath, you turn around and make me lose it again." Any woman would be flattered with a remark like this. Special guest towards the end. MRS WORMWOOD To survive this mess by Being a prince or a princess. MR WORMWOOD runs over and grabs MATILDA's book. Now, the secret to my success in business is . [as the TV explodes, due to Matilda's powers] It is said that we humans use only a tiny portion of our brains. Keep out of reach of children. He dances with the hospital bed that MRS WORMWOOD is lying on. Oh, my hair! 13. . I'll have her for that. Green hair? What a dear! MR WORMWOOD When I look in your eyes, I see a very kind soul. MRS WORMWOOD Why would she want some snotty, disobedient kid? A contract is a contract is a contract! . [to the phone] I'm gonna call you straight back. 'Cause you've gotta highlight what you got. Why don't you run away? [She puts the book in the cupboard and hurries to the hat rack with a bottle reading "sooper gloo". In this classroom, in this school, I am god! Agatha Trunchbull: [Jenny knocks on Ms. Trunchbull's door] But nobody else is gonna put it right for me. BRUCE wilts by the desk. They're like insects: they should be got rid of as early as possible. No, not there! %PDF-1.5 Agatha Trunchbull: BIG KIDS Ladies and gentlemen! It must be wonderful for a child to be so wanted. MISS TRUNCHBULL Nonsense. I'm not paying it. Adopt me, Miss Honey! BOTH: What a dear! Not a dot did I stray from the plot. [Miss Trunchbull has accused Matilda of going into her house]. [insulted] WOMAN: She is clearly more emotionally developed than her peers. I am *not* seven years old anymore, Aunt Trunchbull! Nine times two is eighteen. The entire assembly will stay five hours after school and copy from the dictionary! Agatha Trunchbull: Once Agatha Trunchbull decides you're guilty, you're , BIG KID [TAMIKA] If you sit around and let them get on top, you Like you, I was (Q) curious, Take another picture of our angel from this angle over here. Daughter of Mr Harry Wormwood who owns Wormwood Moturs. This is the cottage from your story. No one's gonna care if you don't care, Because she's a spectacularly wonderful child and I love her. MR WORMWOOD Oh, did I not mention? Watch as her eyes light up and her smile turn into an impressed grin. I got carried away. Looks like rain. MRS WORMWOOD and MICHAEL down sit in armchairs. . You gotta be loud! MISS TRUNCHBULL takes BRUCE by the wrist and leads him off the front of the stage. I stole the cake. Snickerdoodle, what did you do to your hair? A model of a grand old house rolls in from the back of the stage. [tosses the cereal in the air] Honest. If you want to throw the hammer for your country, [She takes MATILDA by the wrist and leads her to ERIC's desk.] You have a worm, You have just made a very big mistake. Tomorrow at one? BIG KIDS Does that mean I can get that new TV? Jane Eyre . I'll come back later, then. 'Twas written in the stars before they even met. She holds up the final "10". . Of course! I don't believe Matilda's that kind of child at all. On a boat, in a car, with your toes all curled - Oh, the places we'll go when I rock your world. ACROBAT and ESCAPOLOGIST [off-stage] Narrator: Miss Honey: But here it is, coming true: Look at mummy. MRS WORMWOOD "Right"? Agatha Trunchbull: They are good runners, sir. Forgotten, by everyone except, that is [She pulls her coat over her head.] You should be embarrassed. They're the bane of my life. Matilda: [throwing marshmallows as Matilda was grabbing the book that was thrown] But this time, I've got a secret weapon. . [to the FBI agents, as they rummage through her parents' garage looking for car parts] There's a place you are sent if you haven't been good. MISS HONEY enters and knocks. 6. MR WORMWOOD I'm Lavender, and I think it's probably for the best if we're best friends! His fingie. BIG KIDS Michael: The Birthday table is wheeled back in by other children. Mum, would you like to hear a story? [wielding a hammer throw] Flipping, filthy, nasty, stupid Russians! Yes, please. You did this! Look. Well, here I am. CHILDREN Matilda: Mr. Wormwood: Trunchbull: To fetch a pail of water. Don't tell me. I heard Meowth's not the only mischievious pussy in town. Harry Wormwood: ? MRS WORMWOOD You've gotta learn to listen up, kid. If you're being smart with me, young lady, you're going to be punished. This calls for a proper smoke. I swear, I won't take our love for granite. In the cupboard. The scene changes to the Wormwood's living room. Matilda, isn't it? . RUDOLPHO starts dancing with and carrying around MISS HONEY, which he continues to do throughout the song. MRS PHELPS The reason the mileage is so high is a manufacturing mistake.". Wait, Dad, you're going too fast. DOCTOR AMANDA But even you, Bruce, Even me. Are you crying? Mum says I'm an angel sent down from the sky! I'm not in favor of girls getting all clever-pants, Miss Hussy. I'm afraid I've not been too successful in getting others to recognize your . Oh, my good Lord. Do you ever lie down at night, look up at the stars and think about all the messed-up things in the world? Harry Wormwood: NIGEL . MISS HONEY steps away from MATILDA as MISS TRUNCHBULL enters by the blackboard. Who is this, babe? . She uses them to carry on a conversation. MISS TRUNCHBULL Matilda Wormwood is an exception . Agatha Trunchbull: We're not rich. You will soon see there's no escaping tragedy. a contract. A little less head, a lot more derriere. Doesn't mean that you just have to grin and bear it. Now, get off to bed, you little bookworm. A member of the mafia! [Looking irritated, she makes her way to BRUCE's side.] A few! This child doesn't have a "thingie" . And expensive, $9.25 for a bar of soap? The end is happier. MATILDA Glad I never was one. A storm can begin with the flap of a wing. His do-dah. A long table with the word "Birthday" emblazoned on it moves forward, with little hands creeping along the bottom. Used to compete in the Olympics, throwing the hammer! When I grow up, (When I grow up, when I grow up) I will be strong enough to carry all The heavy things you have to haul Around with you When you're a grown up And when I grow up, You're supposed to be teaching SPELLING, not poetry! MISS TRUNCHBULL Eventually, they quieten down, but LAVENDER continues to jump up in down next to MATILDA, who is reading. He did what you asked. Matilda, you promised me you wouldn't go back in that house again. Girl, you've gotta learn to stand up and stick out from the AAAHH! And instead of a musical fanfare, there was silence, as he solemnly strode into the room. MRS PHELPS What we all suspected. You finally matched with someone who feels like a genuine person, exactly your cup of tea, but breaking the ice can be tough for us introverted fellows. . Matilda: Considerably roomier inside. The Invisible Man . | Jenny: The novel has an inspirational message that everyone can stand up for themselves against bullies like Matilda does against Mrs. Trunchbull. We never thought it was possible, Please, stand, and do as much as you can. If you took your time , CHILDREN [off to the side]
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